Adelaide is not the most intuitive destination when one thinks of traveling to Australia. I could have visited the Gold Coast and Great Barrier Reef like any sane tourist would do. But my interests pulled me in a different direction. And I was traveling alone, so happily I could go wherever I wanted. I decided to head south along the coast from Melbourne instead. This was for two reasons. One was to travel along the famous Great Ocean Road and the other was to visit the South Australian Museum in Adelaide. This museum is home to the world’s largest collection of aboriginal arts and cultural material.
I had come to Australia scared of what I might find and convinced that poisonous and carnivorous creatures would spring from around every corner. Instead, I felt perfectly content and at ease, as I so often do in natural landscapes. It doesn’t matter if I am literally halfway around the world and all alone. Going hiking always brings me home to myself.
I booked a three-day tour that would take me from Melbourne to Adelaide. We left the city early on the first day and drove along the coast via the Great Ocean Road. Along the way we stopped at the Twelve Apostles and Loch Ard Gorge. As the ocean chipped away at limestone cliffs that form the shoreline, it left behind this series of towering rock formations. But as the waves continue to slowly erode the base of these last holdouts, they too will eventually fall. Rejoining the very same rock that used to embrace them as they are ground up and spit out as sand.
After the first day we departed the coast line to tour through the Grampians National Park. We went on a series of hikes to Halls Gap, Pinnacle lookout, and McKenzie Falls. While driving between trailheads we came across koalas and kangaroos in a public park. The contrast between what I experienced as the almost frighteningly exotic nature of these animals and the benign setting of this first encounter made me realize just how far from home I actually was. Experiencing them as normal and everyday occurrence left a stronger impression than seeing them in a zoo or in the wilderness ever could.
The tour itself was fine, but I ended up feeling out of place over the course of those three days. I’ve traveled in groups where it has been easy to make friends in a short amount of time. But this was not one of those groups. There was one family and a few couples, some of them older and some of them younger. There were also a few girls traveling in pairs. And a few, like myself, who joined alone.
This was not my first time traveling alone or taking a group tour by myself. I tried to connect with other people on the tour, but I just wasn’t clicking. I ended up eating most of the meals alone while the others paired off. There is a lot I enjoy about traveling and being alone in general, but for me, eating is not one of them. For me, a good meal is always better when shared with someone else.
I felt self-conscious because I was traveling on a tight budget and Australia is a relatively expensive travel destination. I was also older than the other solo travelers, all in their early 20s. What was I doing, at this stage of my life, traveling alone and staying in shared rooms?
With all this happening during the trip, and against my better judgment, I stayed in a hostel in Adelaide. It’s a small town, and one of the girls also traveling solo was staying at the same place. I headed out to eat later that night, once again alone. I saw that same girl in a restaurant, eating with another girl from the tour.
My knee-jerk reaction was something akin to feeling left out of the popular circle in middle or high school. But I also recognized this as inappropriate. I didn’t need or even want to be friends with everyone I come across while traveling. And I certainly didn’t want to impose. There are a million reasons why I may lack a connection with someone, or why I may feel out of place in a group. And usually it does’t bother me. But this time, I was left wondering if that reason was because I am older. And that was a new and shitty feeling.
At the same time, I was also happy for these girls. Happy they had found each other and found a richer connection there than what I could hope to provide. The friendships we make while traveling can last a meal or last a lifetime. I was grateful for the times I had forged a connection with a stranger, and grateful for the times I hadn’t.
I was grateful for the opportunity to continue to learn to enjoy the pleasure of my own company and keep my eyes on my own happiness, instead of looking to compare myself to the experience others were having. And the only way that I am able to do that is because of what I gain as I continue to get older, and don’t let my own insecurities stop me from going the places I want to go and doing the things I want to do.
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