January is supposed to be the month of defining your priorities. Making goals and actually completing steps to achieve them. Doing more of what matters. Getting things done. Side #hustling harder than ever before. Creating and moving. So why haven’t I been writing? Because I have been moving back to the US. It took me a long time to write that for two reasons. The first reason is that in moving I had a mountain of logistics to manage before having a minute to myself. I’ve been learning how to do a new job, how to assimilate into a new dance community, and how to navigate a place almost as foreign to me as Mexico: the south.
The time between deciding to move here and actually moving here was very quick and left me questioning my own motives, and if I had good enough reasons to actually go through with it. Much like when I moved to Mexico, almost everyone I talked to about my decision was somewhere between apprehensive and disapproving. A lot of blank stares. A lot of “Atlanta? I’ve never head anything about it.” Or, “Why would you want to go there?” The only genuinely positive reaction I received was from a dancer whom I respect and admire greatly, and who also happens to be one of the very few people I know from the south. Without any hesitation, she blurted out “Atlanta? You’re so lucky!” And much like when my best friend told me I wasn’t crazy for wanting to move to Mexico, that was enough to keep me going.
Other than the practical reasons for coming here, such as a job, (and as if I would do anything for purely practical reasons) I was really curious. Much like Mexico, being from California I’ve mostly heard bad things about the south. Also like Mexico, I’ve heard it’s beautiful and the food is good, my two most important and sustaining environmental influences. I knew that this was probably my only chance to experience the south in a meaningful way, so I decided to take it.
The other reason it has taken me so long to write about the move is because I have conflicted feelings about coming back to the US. (read: a big part of me didn’t want to). I haven’t lived in a Trump era America, for one. I’ve never seen a MAGA hat in real life. All I knew is what my friends told me it was like, and they have told me that they are scared, that they are angry, that the country is very divided. It’s not like I had an exact time frame, but I didn’t expect to come back so soon. I saw Mexico as a jumping off point for an international life. But what I found out while living there is that while I very much enjoy that life, I very much do not enjoy teaching, and if I want to keep having that life, I need some additional skills.
I am excited, and grateful, lest I forget. But I am also sad. Sad about leaving Mexico. And much like when I first started this blog, unsure of where I am headed next. The last thing I want is for Mexico to be a footnote. A wild adventure I went on before returning to the expected and known cycle of American life. It’s hard to reframe what I see in some ways as going backward as a stepping stone. It may be in America, but it is also another adventure into the unknown. I decided to go to Atlanta without expectations. To meet new people, to experience a different way of life, to see what I can learn. And of course, there will be lots of dancing.
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