As with so many things I have learned throughout my lifetime, it was my sister who first taught me about tarot reading. Ever since I can remember, my sister would do something and I would watch silently. Eventually, I would grow bold enough to copy her. My love of reading books, and my fearlessness of trying new things. The way I really listen when someone is talking, and always try to stay open. Even after all these years of becoming my own person, I still carry this feeling that some of the best and most interesting parts of myself are no more than a shallow and cheap imitation of who she really is.
As with so many of her varied and eclectic interests, I have no idea how she herself first got started. I learned about tarot when she began giving me readings in my late teens, when she was in her early 20s. If it had come from another source I would have been more dismissive. But I still looked up to her, and if she was involved in something then I wanted to be too.
We would sit on the floor of her studio apartment and I would her ask a question. She would hand me the cards and instruct me to cut the deck and put my energy into the cards. I would solemnly obey. She would take them back into her hands, then carefully shuffle and lay the cards in front of me. She would never accidentally bend her cards into an arc when she shuffled as I always do.
Unlike me, my sister is delicate and cautious. She takes pride in having nice things and is careful with them. She is like my father in that way. My mother and I are the opposite. We will buy 10 of the cheapest versions of an item at a time so that we can more easily replace it when it breaks.
My sister would pause and study the cards for a few moments before she spoke. In the beginning, when she first started giving me readings, she would sometimes flip through the thin paper booklet that came with the deck before she began. She would tell me the meaning of an individual card, but also the story behind the symbolism of the card. She would tell me what the card meant for this particular reading based on its position when she laid it down and how it related to the other cards.
My first tarot deck was a gift from her. It wasn’t the traditional Rider deck. She said it didn’t resonate with her, but that she thought it might suit me. It’s kind of goofy and spooky, like you, she said. Sorting through the deck she pointed out the Death card. Look, you like literally make this same face. And we both laughed because she was right.
With this new present I started practicing reading tarot for myself. I would do small three or four-card readings, or a more traditional 10-card Celtic cross spread. Copying my sister, I would flip through the small paper booklet. I would go through phases of reading the cards often. Other times I would lay them aside for long stretches. Eventually, I became interested enough to buy my first book on reading tarot. I wanted to learn more about the symbolism of each card and to understand how to translate the cards into advice. Then I bought a second book with a more esoteric focus, and then yet another.
At first, I felt ashamed of having such a strong affinity for reading the cards. It all seemed so silly and I had trouble justifying the attraction to myself. I had already written off formalized religion by this point. And tarot reading, in the same vein as astrology, which I also enjoy and dabble in from time to time, seemed even more absurd. But I have thought for a long time about what it is that I get out of tarot reading.
I think it is because improving oneself is usually difficult, boring, and solitary work. There is almost never any immediate benefit to be perceived, and certainly not any sort of tangible one. But tarot is actually fun. It is fun to ask questions about yourself and your life and get answers, regardless of how true those answers may be. I ask the cards to tell me what I should expect next year. I ask about my past lives, even though I don’t believe in them. And of course the most important questions of all, what about my relationships and my love life?
But tarot can also be used in a more serious, self-reflective way. It can be used as a tool for self-improvement. It has helped me to better know and understand myself. And when that happens, one becomes better able to make conscious decisions. And after all, how can you love yourself if you do not truly know yourself first? This process benefits you, but also everyone else around you benefits as a consequence.
The cards represent the universal human experience through a series of cards called the Minor Arcana. The Minor Arcana is divided into four suites represented by different elements, and have values for the different suites ranging from ace to King, similar to the card deck we are all familiar with. The Major Arcana represents the universal journey through the mind in order to know yourself and by doing so to live freely, or reach enlightenment. The Major Arcana is represented as a series of archetypes and psychological events that map to this psychological journey.
What I came to realize is that for me, tarot is not a mystical, magical practice. It is not strictly for fun, though I do enjoy it. I use it the same way a psychiatrist may use a Rorschach inkblot test. The card itself is not the most important element at play when I am reading the cards. It is not the position of the card or even the meaning of the card that matters. It is my interpretation of that meaning that leads to insights about myself.
So more often than not, I use the cards as a tool in this more helpful way. If I am having trouble making a decision, I go to the cards. A card can have a “negative” or “positive” meaning. This is nothing useful in and of itself. It is my response that I am really paying attention to because that is where I am going to get answers. My reaction gives me more information about how I am actually feel about a present situation, even if it is difficult for me to understand how I am feeling when I approach the problem head-on.
If I am trying to decide if I should take a job offer and don’t know what to do, for example. I can lay out a few spreads for the various possibilities. Let’s say that some negative or difficult cards appear that predict the future should I take the job. But I think to myself, That’s ok, I can still make the best of it if I accept the job. Therein lies my answer. The job opportunity may indeed be difficult. But because accepting the offer is what I truly want, I am willing to look past or work through these potential obstacles.
Conversely, I may ask the cards about taking a trip with friends and the cards predict a good time. If I still hesitate and make excuses, that tells me that I don’t really want to join my friends. This may be the nudge I need to sit this one out in order to better care for myself, practice being alone, and tend to my boundaries.
When I do readings for others, the process is similar. I explain the meaning of the cards, but in reality I am asking them for their response and input so that I can give them advice on how to proceed.
After so many years of practicing for myself and a small circle of friends, I am nervous and excited to start offering tarot readings online! I still very much consider myself a beginner, and very much want to keep this fun and casual. I am asking for donations on a sliding scale for a 20 minute reading.
If you are at all curious and would like to try this tool of self discovery for yourself, I invite you to contact me today.
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