“Lead, follow, or switch?” My favorite four words to hear at a social, and ones I almost only hear while fusion dancing. My joy at hearing this phrase is followed closely or maybe even surpassed by the always welcomed, “Are you okay with lifts/dips/close embrace?” Yay consent! Yay caring about your partner’s safety! But that’s another post altogether. I made it a rule when I started learning to lead that if someone asks me to dance using this magic phrase, I say, “Lead.”
Usually, when I take a new partner (usually a man) up on their offer to have me lead they are surprised, and I get a sly joy out of the moment’s hesitation and raised eyebrows. I like getting to put people’s open-mindedness to the test, however fleeting though telling that inner conflict may be. And when I first started dancing, the question had the same effect on me. Switch? Lead? I’m female, so clearly I’m a follow! I too was surprised and momentarily reexamined my own assumptions before uttering an emphatic, “Follow please!” and being whisked onto the dance floor.
I should explain. What does it mean to switch? The person that initiates the movement of a social partner dance is the “leader,” traditionally and much more commonly done by the man. The person that waits for the lead to initiate and then responds to this movement is the “follow,” usually the woman in the partnership with the notable exception of tango, which was traditionally danced only by men. Someone that knows how to both lead and follow is able to “switch” roles. When a couple on the dance floor “switches,” both people go back and forth taking turns in each role.
Like most women, I started learning to partner dance as a follow. And I really think everyone should start out that way, regardless of who they are or how they present. It’s a good idea because I believe it’s easier to learn as a follow. I don’t, however, believe that it’s easy or easier to dance as a follow than as a lead. When you learn as a follow you only need the basics to be exposed to a wide dance “vocabulary” or style as well as patterns that are more complicated technically as you dance socially with new partners. This exposure allows you to learn more in a shorter amount of time. When you are learning as a lead you are still able to learn connection and style with new partners in the same way, but you are limited technically to what you observe or learn in class.
I used to think that leading was easy. When you’re a follow, and have no idea what your partner is about to do. In order to be a good one, you have to completely trust your lead. To not know what is going to happen next nor try to predict it and still react in perfect time is inherently difficult. When and only when you’re good enough at it to feel the space within the dance are you able to add styling, which is in and of itself challenging. If you’re leading, you already know what you’re going to do next, so how hard could it possibly be?
It is, in fact, also very hard! When I first started trying to lead in earnest, it totally sucked. It felt like starting over. I was a total beginner. Losing the beat, losing the connection, and running into other people on the dance floor. I was worried about new things. Fear of rejection when asking someone to dance is a very real thing, and this fear was amplified because I’m still new to dancing as a lead and it’s still unusual (depending on the where I am, the type of dance, and how familiar I am with that particular community) for a female to lead.
It was very easy to be insecure in the beginning, and it still is. I found myself with a whole new set of dance insecurities. Is my partner bored? How do I do only cool move I know again? How do I get out of the cool move again and back to the basic step? Am I holding too tight, or not enough?? Because it was work when I first started out I told myself I had to dance 3 dances as a lead at every social. And slowly but surely, I improved. Not only as a lead but as a follow as well. Having a solid foundation as a follow allowed me to improve more quickly as a lead. I had experienced all kinds of leads, and knew that kind that I wanted to be. That you can’t force someone to do a move, and it’s important to be gentle. How to be clear, how to be lyrical. These are all things I have experienced as a follow and am able to apply as a lead.
I originally pursued leading in earnest because I wanted to be better at teaching. What I found is that I also become a better follow. As a lead, I am able to experience all kinds of follows. I can feel different styles and connections and apply them to my own way of following. It has made me a more versatile dancer overall and more appreciative of what it takes to be a good lead, a good follow, and an overall better dancer.
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